After turning 40, something inside Emma switched on.
Living on a cattle station in the Kimberley with her outback husband and 3 beautiful kids was her idea of a dream, but she didn’t realise how much it would take its toll on her, emotionally.
Rather than life of adventure in the beautiful outdoors, she found herself working full time to manage a cattle station, a tourism enterprise and a team of staff, stressed and with no time for her family.
It was only when her husband pointed out that she’d lost a tonne of weight, and she started noticing the emotionally charged and demanding behaviour of her kids was mirroring her own inner turmoil of stress and pressure (which she thought she was hiding), that she realised something wasn’t right, and she would need to make a change.
Making the heavy decision to leave the station and her outback dream behind, Emma and her husband packed up the family and moved back to their property south of Perth.
While it was sad at the time, this experience helped Emma realise you need very little to be happy.
Life is short, and she now has more time for her kids, and as a family they experience more enjoyment and take less for granted.
Emma isn’t a stranger to change.
Throughout her life – and she believes this is true for many of us, women especially – she’s been several different people throughout varying phases of life, approximately 7 years at a time.
- In her early 20s, she settled down too early with the wrong man, and got swept up in that relationship, which brought her from England to Australia.
- When that relationship ended, she found a different “me”, someone who had to be completely independent. She chose to stay in Australia and throw herself into her career for many years.
- The next phase of life came when she met her Aussie Cowboy husband, began her family and left her career to be a stay at home mum.
- And now, as her youngest is about to begin school, she’s emerging from a 6-year cocoon of motherhood and is ready to explore what this next phase will be.
In the past, Emma had been reactive, and let her circumstances guide her change…. following her first partner to Australia, focusing on career when she had nothing else, and allowing burnout to hit before giving up on her dream station life.
But after 40, something switched and she realised that she could make her own decisions, she’s got control over her own plans.
The confident, passionate and stubborn Emma came out again. She likes this version of herself and is planning on keeping her around!
So what changed?
For Emma, she’d always heard that voice inside her, the voice of reason and love, guiding her to do what feels right, and while she’d heard it, it was often drowned out by other voices – society, family, well-intentioned friends.
Even though she heard the voice, she never let herself take action on it.
Most recently it was the guilt of motherhood that stopped her, and I know many of you can relate.
With young children, she would rarely take time away from the babies, and go for a coffee with girlfriends, even though her husband fully supported and even encouraged her to take time for herself.
It wasn’t until her youngest was 3 that she finally put him in pre-kindy day care for one day a week.
When we spoke, that very first day had been the previous Tuesday, and her son cried when she left him. She considered taking him home, but kept strong. She reminded herself that he would be learning and growing, and she would be doing the right thing to support him.
In the end, he had a ball of a day, and for the first time in 6 years, Emma spent a whole glorious day, child-free, house-work-free, and studying for her own passions.
A huge lesson that Emma has learnt is this:
“Being a better me makes me a better mum.”
She wholeheartedly agrees and believes that we must lead by example to our children, and if we want to encourage them to be fully human and follow their own dreams, we need to be doing that ourselves too.
When Emma has a day to herself, she gets to recharge, fill her cup, and take delicious self-care.
When the kids are home, she has more of herself to give them, she is more present and loving and energetic for them.
Looking back at her time on the station, she realised she was a shell of herself.
While she was “working from home” and even home-schooling, she was never fully “there” because of all the other demands on her attention, so her kids only got half a mum.
As someone who has spent years listening to but ignoring her inner voice, Emma is now a shining example of a woman who trusts herself, who listens to herself, and who LIKES herself.
She knows she wouldn’t have become the person she is today without having gone through the stages and struggles of her previous life phases, and learnt some of those painful lessons.
We all go through life phases and changes. Emma’s experience shows us that we can be whoever we want to be at any stage of life. It’s up to us to take away the lessons and grow from them.
Emma’s advice for growing through your life stages is three-fold:
- Love where you’re at
Never give up on your dreams, but while you’re working towards them, it’s important not to miss out on the present, either. Life is short. Appreciate the little moments. Find joy in what you’ve got, and where you are, even if you can visualise a better future. This is about enjoying the lifestyle you have without sacrificing time and connection for the important things.
- Be kind to yourself
Let go of the guilt. While it’s easy to fall into the trap of going along and pleasing others, your best service to them is to be the best you can be. Love yourself first. Take self care. Have time out for yourself. Learn the lessons life presents you, otherwise it eats you up.
- Take action on your inner voice
More than just hearing the voice, do something with it. Take action on your dreams, because sometimes what you think you want to do, you don’t. When you put it into action, you feel a weight lift. When you make a decision, and take those first steps, it changes you completely. Things start to unfold, the Law of Attraction begins to work for you. For Emma, this lesson is about moving with life, not sitting still.
Of all the stages she’s been through, Emma’s biggest teachers have been her kids.
She not only sees herself and her inner emotions reflected in them, she feels a great desire to show them what’s possible in the world. To be a shining example for them to follow.
While she knows the importance of being there for them, and not sacrificing quality time, she knows that to be a better parent, you need to be a better you. For Emma, that’s following her passion, studying, taking her business seriously, and enjoying every moment of life, without stressing (too much) about the future.
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I’m so grateful to Emma for sharing her story, and I think this is a wonderful lesson for everyone who’s ever gone through a change in life, whether it’s emerging from the cocoon of motherhood, or beginning a new career, entering a new relationship, or whatever it is for you.
Have you been through something similar? I would love to hear your stories about growing through the phases of YOUR life, and lessons YOU’VE learnt.
You can email me directly at cat@catholmes.net and perhaps you’ll be the next featured on the blog!
You can also learn more about Emma and her world on her facebook page: Spinifex & Clover
